Ramblings

Not What I Expected

Life is never what you expected.

At age 28, turning 29 in a few months, I thought I would be living abroad and spending my days in a cottage sitting in a quiet farming community. I thought I would sit with my typewriter as I looked over waving fields of wheat and hay.

I imagined the smell of the warm grass, the clean dirt, and a hint of rain to come as I would type the next great American novel.

But, law school beckoned and I met my husband. Now I am staying in a part of the world I never imagined I would live, and working in marketing instead of the law.

I never planned on getting married. I never planned on living in this part of the world. I never planned on dealing with in-laws, anniversaries, or even planning on having children.

But here I am. I haven’t planned it but it’s happening, and the most frightening part is that… I’m excited.

From dealing with crippling depression and anxiety, and then impossible stress and fear of the future… I’m stunned as to where I am today. Maybe I didn’t dream or plan on having this life because I couldn’t imagine it ever happening to me.

I could much more easily see myself hiking through the jungles of Borneo than being a wife and a mother. But, I met the right person and now I’m sitting here and wondering if we would welcome a baby sometime next year.

I guess what I am trying to say that if my life was written down, the footnotes have told me where I was going to end up. While the big points of life as milestones and markers, it’s the little things that really brought me where I am today.

In law school, they always told us to read the footnotes because they would illuminate the caselaw or the text.

I never really read the footnotes.

But now, I think I live in them.

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